


The Outcome Of Ugly Christmas Sweaters And Firewhiskey For One Remus Lupin And One Sirius Black

by The_Gay_Infiltrator



Series: 24 Days of Fanfic for Cowgirlchica [9]
Category: Harry Potter - Fandom
Genre: -points at self- haha such trash for these what a loser, F/M, Firewhiskey, James is. The Most shitlordy of them all, M/M, MWPP, Shitlords, fanfiction gap because I'm an asshole haha, i need to stop, ugly Christmas sweaters because why not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-04
Updated: 2017-01-04
Packaged: 2018-09-14 16:03:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9190877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Gay_Infiltrator/pseuds/The_Gay_Infiltrator





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cowgirlchica](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cowgirlchica/gifts).



"Remus, come ON! There's presents!" Sirius poked the sleeping form huddled under blankets.   
"Go away." Remus mumbled, shoving his face into his pillow. (Sleepy Remus has been translated so you can actually understand him. He actually sounds like 'gwymmphh'.)   
"Moony!" Sirius huffed, yanking Remus, covers and all, off of the bed.   
If he had hoped for that to wake Remus up, he was wrong. Remus just readjusted and continued to doze. "C'mon, Remus, please?" Sirius asked, tugging at the blanket wrapped around him.   
"No." Remus said eventually. (Again, this has been translated.)   
Sirius sat and stared at him for a while, hoping he could get him up just through sheer force of will. Eventually, when this too failed, he put his arms under Remus, picked him up, and started staggering down the stairs, with blankets trailing on the floor behind him. He could have just 'Leviosa'ed him except for the fact that James's parents had prohibited magic for the Christmas hols. James, Peter, and Lily were already in the living room, when Sirius made his way down the stairs. He was three steps away from the door, when his foot inevitably caught on one of Remus's many dangling blankets and he fell forward. Fortunately for Sirius, Remus was quite soft. Unfortunately for Remus, Sirius's chin was quite pointy. Unfortunately for Sirius, he happened to be lying half on top of Remus, which was quite a predicament to be in when you were quite smitten with the person you were lying on. Remus was awake now, so that was at least good. He shuffled over to the kitchen to get coffee, (Sirius had sprang up immediately, a bit pink, as James, Peter, and Lily exchanged looks) holding his blanket tight around him, and then came back and sat down. James had already opened a present (he got bored of waiting) and he immediately got up and handed Remus his gift from him. Pale arms extended from the cocoon of blankets and accepted the gift. Nimble fingers slipped under the tape and lifted, adeptly opening the package without ripping any of the paper. Every year, Sirius was awed not only by his skill in doing this, but also his patience. And for the past three years, those fingers had led his mind to some pretty dangerous places. Sirius wished he had blankets like Remus. "Oi, Prongs!" he said, realizing he could, "Toss me a blanket!"   
He was immediately hit in the face by a flying bundle of fluff (the Potters had a fuckton of blankets), and he wrapped himself in it and plunked down beside Remus, who had removed the wrapping paper completely intact, and was now struggling to open the box it was wrapped in. "Moony, that's not the way you do it." he said eventually, after watching Remus struggle to get through the packing tape with his fingers, "This is how."   
Sirius plucked the box from Remus's hands, and then proceeded to dig around in his pockets for a key or something. He pulled out the key for his motorcycle, and proceeded to slit one of the lines of tape neatly down the middle. "Here, you do it." he said, handing it off to Remus, along with his key.   
Remus took the box and started gingerly trying to cut the tape. Sirius sat and watched him for a bit. His hair was falling in his face because he hadn't pulled it back yet, and you could just see the tip of his pink tongue poking out from between his pursed lips as he concentrated. The scars were there as well, permanent scratches dug by his claws during his ~time of the month~ but they didn't make him any less beautiful, Sirius thought. Eventually he realized that he was probably staring like a lovesick git, and that, although Remus's failures to open his gift were adorable, he should probably tell him to hurry up. "Moony, you need to put some more muscle into it!" he said, grabbing Remus's wrist, "Push it in hard, like this."   
He moved Remus's hands in a slicing motion down the tape, applying enough pressure to actually cut through the tape. He was too distracted by Remus that he missed the giggles that erupted from the other three at his accidental innuendo. Remus finally got the damn thing open, and everyone except James (who had given the gift) leaned forward eagerly. Remus pulled out a sweater, and raised his eyebrow at James, who was smirking. "Put it on." he said.   
Remus eyed him suspiciously and turned the sweater around. He wasn't about to blindly trust a sweater James bloody Potter had gotten him. He glared at James, a withering look made completely ineffective by the fact that he had hair flopping in his eyes and he was swaddled in about five blankets holding an ugly Christmas sweater with a werewolf howling at the moon on it. "Hold on, Moony, that's not even the best part!" James managed to get out through his fit of laughter.   
Remus looked quizzically between James and the sweater, until a big black dog came and the werewolf and the dog went to the back of the sweater together. Hearts drifted around to the front of the sweater. Both Remus and Sirius went red, while James, Lily, and Peter howled with laughter. "Here, Sirius," James choked out. "Open yours now."   
He threw a box at Sirius, who was about the colour of a beet. Padfoot tore at the wrapping paper and decimated the tape with his key. He also pulled out a sweater, but his had a collar and a leash on it. Both were thick with metal studs. "Fuck off, Prongs." He said, pulling the sweater on and giving him the deuce.   
"Oh! Look at Remus's sweater!" Peter exclaimed, pointing.   
Sirius looked. The dog and werewolf had disappeared, leaving the word 'Moony' in white knitted letters. The sweater, of course, was midnight blue. James grinned. "There. Is that better?"   
Remus rolled his eyes, but put it on anyway. Sirius's had changed now also, and it read 'Padfoot', although the words were in black and his sweater was about the colour of his face. Peter received his next, and promptly blushed when the rat on the front of the sweater did something very rude indeed. Then his sweater (which was a lovely shade of grey) changed to the words 'Wormtail'. "What about you, James? Does your sweater take a crack at you too?" Remus asked, feeling a little bitter about the whole dog/werewolf thing.   
James gave a big conspiratory wink. "Oh, it did, but I already opened it to spare myself the trouble."   
"You better put it on, then." Peter said, already wearing his.   
James's grin disappeared as he pulled a green garment Lily handed him over his head. It reappeared a few moments after, with his hair messier than before. His said 'Prongs'. "Well, now that we all have been properly dressed in ugly Christmas sweaters, we can open our other gifts."   
Remus got a book from Peter, a blanket for the dorm from Lily, and a shitload of chocolate from both Sirius and James collaborating (it was about a metric fuckton).   
Sirius got sugar quills (Peter), eyeliner (Lily), a dog collar with a note to 'use it well;)' (James), and a very large bottle of Sirius's favourite conditioner with a sarcastic note to use it on his hair and NOT to poison Snape (Remus).   
Lily got a wildly inappropriate card (from James) that said she would get her gift later ;), a new set of quills and an apology from Remus on behalf of James for being a git, a hair care kit with a note hoping she could fix James and an apology on behalf of Remus for being a spoilsport from Sirius, and finally, a novel from Peter and an apology for all of the other Marauders's behaviour.   
Peter got potion ingredients from both James and Lily, for very different reasons, dungbombs (Sirius), and a self-writing quill from Remus.   
James got a figure collection of his favourite Quidditch team from Sirius, food (Peter), a Golden Snitch about a quarter of its normal size that flew around the room (Lily), and a long list of pranks, plans and jokes that could be plausibly executed (Remus). "Excellent." said James, rising, "Now that we're finished opening gifts, let's bust out the firewhiskey!"   
Remus groaned half-heartedly. "James, really? It's seven in the morning."   
"Actually, no, it's approximately half past two." Sirius replied, smirking.   
"You're joking." Remus said incredulously.   
James shook his head vigorously. "Nope. And half past two is a fine time to bust out firewhiskey."   
"All in favour of firewhiskey now say 'aye'!" Peter chimed in.   
"Aye!" Chorused Peter, James and Sirius.   
Lily followed with a quieter "Aye." after James nudged her.   
Remus sighed. "Alright, fuck it. Aye."  
James clapped him on the back as he got up to get the alcohol. “That's the Christmas spirit, Moony!”  
“Shut up, Prongs.”  
“You know you love me.”  
“Not as much as he loves me.” Sirius said a bit more heatedly than he had meant to.  
“Alright, alright, we get it, Padfoot. You are madly in love with your dear Moony.”  
“Shut up, Prongs.”

 

“Alright, everyone,” James said, carrying out bottles and bottles of Firewhiskey. “Let’s get this party started!”  
He tossed everyone a bottle, and put the rest of them on the table. Everyone magically opened their bottles, and clinked their bottles together. “To the Marauders!” James said.  
“To the Marauders!” Everyone echoed.

 

Soon everyone was reasonably drunk, although Sirius definitely appeared the most drunk. He had fallen over the couch at least three times, although Remus was a close second, having the lowest alcohol tolerance of them all. James and Lily had started snogging in a corner, much to the traumatization and desire for eye bleach from the rest of the Marauders (especially Peter). Sirius was stumbling upstairs to do Merlin knew what, as an attempt to get away from James and Lily’s disturbing PDA. Remus decided to act on that annoying little impulse that had been bouncing around his brain like a puppy for fucking ever. He got up and followed Sirius up the stairs.  
“Oi, Sirius! Wait!” Remus slurred.  
Sirius paused and turned to look at Remus, falling a little and catching himself on the bannister. “Yes, what is it, Moony?” Sirius drawled, looking down through his lashes at Remus.  
Remus climbed up the two stairs remaining, so he was level with Sirius. (Well, I say level, but what I mean is at least three inches taller). “Sirius,” he began before grabbing the front of Sirius’s ugly christmas sweater and kissing him quickly.   
Remus then pulled away quickly and pushed past Sirius, running up the stairs. Sirius took a moment to comprehend what had just happened, and then he ran up the stairs after Remus. He grabbed ahold of the back of Remus’s sweater and pulled him back around to kiss him properly. 

 

Remus woke up, warmer than he would have expected from only having one blanket. His head was pounding, probably from all the Firewhiskey he had the night before. There was a face pressed against his neck, and a hand resting just inside the waistband of his boxers - wait what? Who was that? It didn’t feel like a girl, although Remus was definitely not the sort to bed girls, since he was gay, and anyway, there was nobody in the house but James, Lily, Peter, and Sirius. Hold on. Sirius? The face pressed into his neck burrowed a bit deeper. “Remus.” Sirius’s voice came, muffled by his neck.   
“Sirius?” Remus asked incredulously.   
Sirius pressed himself closer to Moony’s back and his hand a little farther under Remus’s boxers. “What the hell..?” Remus muttered.   
He didn't object (he didn't object at all) but that didn't change the fact that Sirius Black was cuddling him, naked, with a hand down his boxers. “Do you remember what happened?” Sirius said from the spot he had found in the dip of Remus’s neck.   
“No.” Remus said simply. Talking hurt his head.   
“Too much Firewhiskey then?” Sirius asked.   
“Yeah. Do you?”  
Sirius gave a short, barking laugh. “Yes. You chased me up the stairs, kissed me, and then ran away. I found you though, and kissed you properly.”  
“You were pretty drunk yourself, though.”   
“Nah.” Sirius waved his free hand dismissively, “Although I thought I was rather convincing, didn't you?”  
“You weren't drunk?” Remus said, with a mixture of nervousness and hope.   
“Nope.”  
“Uh..” Remus fought for words through the fuzz of his mind.   
“Don't try, Moony.” Sirius said, bending his neck quite a lot to kiss Remus.


End file.
